Mary-Louise Parker as Nancy Botwin

WEEDS

SEASON 5 EPISODE 9

“SUCK ‘N’ SPIT”

As the saga unfolds this week, we see Esteban throwing a “mantrum” (or if you prefer, man tantrum) at home right in front of his goon Cesar. It seems Nancy’s words may have struck a chord with him and he realizes he truly loves her and this makes him furious.

Meanwhile, Silas and Doug get an earful as Dean breaks the news to them (unconvincingly I might add) of how he was ripped off in a shady neighborhood of all the pot from the store on his way home from the police station. Of course we know he’s lying, and so did Doug and Silas. Dean receives a black eye from Doug.

Back at home, a young cynical 14 year-old  Shane is told by his two goth girlfriends that he might have an  STD, because they were diagnosed with chlamydia.  Thankfully Uncle Andy walked in on them before anything could happen. Nancy, who appeared completely stoned, but wasn’t, takes him to the clinic with Andy by her side.  This, of course leads to many stories from Uncle Andy about the times he got VD. Nancy explains to him that at this particular moment Shane needs a parent, and not a friend. Shane winds up with a form of a yeast infection, prescribed a medication and sent on his way.

Elsewhere, Dean and Celia are working a You’re Pretty! seminar thanks to the stash of weed they somehow bamboozled Doug and Silas out of.  After the ladies are treated to some free booze, out come the credit cards to purchase the ganja-filled cosmetic cases. Seems like things are looking up for Celia. But if I know my Celia, it won’t be for long. But. let her enjoy it while it lasts. She later announces to Silas and Doug that she’s moving out and into a new condo thanks to You’re Pretty! cosmetics. Doug, in turn, not knowing (of course) that her success is due to the fact that her cosmetics are laced with his and Silas’ weed, decides to crash a You’re Pretty! seminar to see if he can become as successful as she is.  Because, of course, if Celia can do it, anyone should be able to! This ought to be hysterical.

In another part of town, Andy and Nancy chit-chat over tropical drinks at a fake Hawaiian restaurant. Then the burden of her milk-filled breasts becomes too great and she tries to pump in the bathroom to relieve the pressure. It doesn’t work. She calls Andy on his cell and begs him to join her in the ladies’ room. The next scene had to be seen to be believed, but it involved Andy and as he put it, “Lips to Nips”.  Yes, yes, yes. He had to suckle Nancy to get her milk flowing. Unfortunately, Andy accidentally (or not, I’m not totally sure) swallows the milk when he was supposed to spit it out. But he didn’t want to be a hypocrite!!

Esteban, coming off of a date he was set up on by Pilar earlier in the episode to get over Nancy and to start a new life and be happy with, barges into the house in his usual fashion and finds Nancy and Andy sharing the same bed. Assuring him that nothing sexual was going on, Esteban proposes to Nancy again. “We will get married. Now.” How romantic! As he and Nancy argue the point in the front yard, with Cesar looking on, Andy persuades Shane to go outside and eavesdrop on their conversation. Just at that moment, someone walking by shoots at Nancy and Esteban. The shots miss, and Cesar winds up killing the would-be assasin. But, instead of hitting either Nancy or Esteban, a bullet hits Shane in the shoulder. Shane groans out a barely audible “Mom” as a horrified Nancy turns and can do nothing but watch her son slump to the ground.

Stay Tuned!!

As always your comments are appreciated and more than welcome!

Until Next Time…

Happy Viewing!!

Michael Queenstown

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Elizabeth Perkins as Celia Hodes

WEEDS

SEASON 5 EPISODE 8

“A DISTINCTIVE HORN”

In this episode Pilar, who is Esteban’s political advisor, among other things I’m sure, and the mexicunt from the previous episode, visits Nancy in the hospital as she wakes from a snooze. Pilar tells Nancy, as she coos over the baby in his crib that she never had children because they are extraordinarily inconvenient, and that her having this child was a mistake that could end the career of a very promising politician, and that she would correct the mistake.

When Esteban comes to take Nancy home, he refuses to put his name on the birth certificate, choosing to leave it blank for the time being (“until after the election”). Nancy tells him to stay out of it and that her family was coming to take her back to her home. When Nancy has to put a name down as the baby’s daddy on the birth certificate, I don’t know about you, but of course I knew right away it would be Andy’s.

Meanwhile,  Celia confronts Raylene of You’re Pretty! Cosmetics and wants to return the goods.  Raylene won’t hear of it, and instead advises Celia that she’s selling a lifestyle and a dream — not merely lipstick and blush — and besides, she signed a contract for a year and she’ll sue Celia’s ass if she tries to back out.

Nancy returns home to the house in Ren Mar with the baby and leaves him with Silas and Shane who don’t quite know what to make of their new baby brother to view their new brother in the baby carrier while she goes off to take a shower.  Upon arriving at her bedroom she finds Andy sprawled on a big round bed smoking a waterpipe and reading. And, he’s a little confused because the hospital called him a few minutes ago to tell him about their new father classes.

At first Andy rejects the notion outright of having his name on the birth certificate since Esteban won’t sign until the time is right, whenever that will be. Andy tells her “I’m through playing baby daddy to your kids.”

But, after finding out he’s now the dad (albeit only by name) on the newest Botwin’s birth certificate, he spruces himself up including shaving off that god awful beard, and head’s down to the Women’s Clinic to see if he can get a date and maybe more with Dr. Audra Kitson (played beautifuly, I have to admit, by Alanis Morissette). He takes her in the General Lee car to one of those fake Mexican restaurants, and in the short time it takes her to have a cocktail and realize she’s too good for him, she cuts to the chase and informs him she’d rather be home in her pj’s watching DVD’s.

Andy: What’s wrong?
Dr. Kitson: Nutshell? I’m past you.
Andy: Past me in what?
Dr. Kitson: In life.

After being shot down, Andy returns home, ready to accept the responsibilities of being a dad. But, of course, with Andy, he demands to be fully involved or not at all. His first demand: a bris. The baby’s foreskin must be removed by a moyel, at a bris, and whitefish served with bagels. Otherwise, no dice. Of course Nancy gives in to this.  Like it or not (but I truly believes she likes it) She realizes Andy is her angel.

This week is rather painful for Doug as usual. Silas and Doug come to Dean to get a court order so they can get their pot back from the courts. Dean will only do so if he can do something very painful involving Doug’s manhood and Dean’s desk drawer. Doug, being Doug, agrees. His yells can be heard throughout the building. I nearly fell on my ass laughing so hard.

After the pot has been rescued and is in Dean’s office, and he’s sipping away on a waterpipe enjoying his payment for helping Silas and Doug, Celia comes in to ask him to look over the You’re Pretty! contract to find any loopholes to get her out of it.  As ironclad as the contract seems to be, a thought crosses her mind as she sees all the pot at Dean’s disposal. What if she packs the cosmetics full of marijuana and sells those instead?  And they could make it look like Dean was robbed of all the pot?  Good to see Celia and Dean working together again!

The bris takes place in Nancy’s living room with friends and relatives looking on. Snip snip, and then the chowing down ensues. Andy’s even holding baby Steven (they named the baby Steven), in a nice white shirt and tie, looking very dad-like. Almost as if he were meant to be doing it all along, and then Esteban has to make an appearance. And not a happy one, I might add when he finds out what has just happened.

“My son is not Jewish. This is unacceptable!” he tells Nancy, who tells him he had his chance, but since he didn’t have the courage to claim the child as his own, his time was up.  He refuses to accept the fact that “that pendejo” has his name on the birth certificate. “That pendejo sticks around. He fights for what he loves. And he’s not a coward,” Nancy tells Esteban, who, before he did something drastic, turns and leaves.  But he’ll be back of course.

What a homecoming party for Nancy, huh? Quite possibly the best episode so far of the season. Until the next episode, I’m sure.

As always your comments are more than welcome and appreciated.  I thank you for reading, and…

Until Next Time!

Happy Viewing!!

Michael Queenstown

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