WEEDS

SEASON 5 FINALE:

“ALL ABOUT MY

MOM”

Well here we are gang, another season of Weeds has come and gone.  Season 5 comes to a chilling conclusion as Nancy walks into a room of her house to find a masseuse waiting for her, a gift she has a hard time refusing. Nancy tries to relax as the masseuse works on her. The masseuse tells Nancy she is strong like the boss, until, of course she finds out that the boss is Pilar.

We find Celia, looking more-and-more Nancy-like, making a screwdriver out of concentrated OJ in her hide-out in a storage facility, when Doug drops by. They try to agree to the terms of selling her stash. Doug only has $37 to his name, so she suggests selling on credit. Then he notices her pot is not his, and she realizes he knows she stole his pot. He threatens to sic the black cop on her and now she knows she was set up. She bangs him on the head with her pitcher of screwdriver, and finishes the rest with one last swig.

Back at home Silas gets a call from Adelita from her bedroom upstairs asking him to come up to her. When he gets there he finds out she is numb on one side of her body due to a bad reaction to Heroin. Nancy talks to her surly son Shane, who doesn’t say much of anything any more.

“Holy s—, you’re a junkie,” he says.

“I’m a recreational user,” she insists.

He says he’s going to call her dad.

Elsewhere, Andy leads Audra (or as we have come to know her, Dr. Alanis Morissette) into the garage, covering her eyes. He claims to have a sexy surprise for her. It’s a new minivan. He sold the General Lee and a few arcade games. He also unregistered their phone number so Gale the pro-life stalker can’t find them and forwarded it to the van. He has her climb into the front seat to notice the ring hanging from the rear view mirror. She’s distracted by the TV screens and GPS and pretty much everything but the ring.

“God dammit, look at the rear view mirror,” Andy barks at he, and turns her head toward the ring.

She tells him he should take it down because if the light hits it, it might blind someone and cause an accident. He asks her to marry him, but before she can answer, Silas calls on the van phone, saying he needs her for an emergency. Nancy comes downstairs to find her husband having coffee with Pilar, who says she and Esteban have always been a great team. Esteban says that they’ve come to an understanding.

“So I’m guessing death, and/or blackmail and/or imprisonment is the glue that holds you together,” Nancy tells her.

Pilar tells Nancy Esteban will win the election, even married to her , but it’d still be best if she stayed in the background.  Pilar invites her to a fundraiser at her house that night. She should come for 30 minutes, then get a headache and leave, she directs Nancy, then leaves. Nancy tells Esteban about looking for him yesterday and finding him on TV. He says Pilar is blackmailing him and his options were to cooperate or go to prison for life.

Nancy calls a now free Guillermo. She tells him she wants it done today. He says it’s no problem.

Meanwhile, Doug wakes up tied up in Celia’s storage locker. She explains that she’s going to go back to being a drug dealer. But Doug tells her she’s not cut out to be a drug dealer. She doesn’t have a team. Nancy had a team. Celia wants a team.

Back in the house, Nancy runs into Andy and Audra (wearing the ring) in the hallway outside Adelita’s door. Silas comes out and thinks his mom knows. And then he has to tell her that Adelita is a junkie. Audra and Silas go check on Adelita, while Andy and Nancy go downstairs where Nancy finds out Audra hasn’t said ‘yes’ yet.

Esteban wanders in and wonders why Andy is there. Eventually Nancy tells him Audra is with Adelita, and immediately Esteban comes to the conclusion that his daughter is pregnant. When Nancy has to tell him the truth, he thinks that that is impossible.

Finally he says “I can’t” and walks away.

Well, Nancy says, then I will.

Meanwhile, Celia greets her new team: Doug (co-team leader and finance), Dean (legal), Sanjay (sales), Ignacio (supply and, as “Perro Isano,” muscle) and Isabelle (brains).

Audra and Andy walk home. She’s still wearing the ring, but hasn’t answered. They walk inside, where they find crazy protester Gale wielding a crossbow. Andy runs away immediately, leaving Audra there alone with her dangerous stalker.

At the fundraiser, Silas says his mom arranged for Adelita to go to a rehab in Arizona. And that it was weird seeing Esteban cry. Cesar tells Nancy to get used to Pilar and her ways. She says she’s prepared other ways. Nancy tells Esteban she’s leaving. He says he’s sorry about everything. He gives her his jacket and she walks out. Pilar walks out with her. Pilar tells Nancy she knows she tried to have Guillermo to knock her off, and that next time she tries to have her killed, she might want to choose someone who doesn’t work for her and isn’t still mad at Nancy for ratting him out. Pilar suggests they add two more to the list: Shane and Silas. Nancy tells Pilar if she comes near her kids, she’ll kill her. Pilar coolly lists the ways they might go, in a car accident, a plane crash….

“Or a croquet mallet,” someone says as she is whacked solidly in the head and knocked into the nearby swimming pool. It’s Shane, who looks pretty pleased with himself. All Nancy can do is look at him with a combination of relief and horror.

And as season 5 comes to a chilling cliff-hanging close, we are left with a motionless and presumably lifeless, Pilar floating face down in the pool.

So, I hope all you Weeds fans have enjoyed this season as much as I have.

Your comments, as always are encouraged and appreciated.

I again thank everyone for reading me and I look forward to bringing you more in the future.

So…

Until Next Time…

I am…

Michael Queenstown

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WEEDS: SEASON 5: EPISODE 10

“PERRO INSANO” (INSANE DOG)

Here we are kids, nearing the end of another exciting season of Weeds, with episode 10: “Perro Insano”, which translated means Insane Dog.

Last week we saw Shane take a bullet to the shoulder that meant for Nancy. Turns out Pilar put a hit out on her. And it turns out Cesar was in on it as well, as Nancy was able to deduce. Cesar shot and killed the hit man because he realized how happy Esteban is with her. She forgives him, but shoots him in the arm as payment for letting Shane get hit. They call on Audra to patch him up at the house, then gives him Percocet for the pain. He confesses later to Silas that he hasn’t touched an of the painkillers, because the physical pain takes his mind off of his emotional ones.

Esteban and Nancy try to convince Silas he should leave the country for his own safety, but he refuses, and instead insists on living in Esteban’s home and demands extra security. A new candidate has replaced Esteban in the race for Governor, so he decides he’s going to run as an independent, which will probably put the family in even more danger.

Elsewhere, Doug tries to cash in on Celia’s success with “You’re Pretty Cosmetics”, and can’t understand why Celia can do so well and he can’t even move so much as a lipstick. That is, until one of Celia’s regular customers approaches him and tells him she’s been buying weed from Celia under the disguise of the make-up so her husband won’t find out. Doug (finally) realizes that Celia is using the weed from their dispensary and pays a call on Dean to make nicey-nicey and get back at her.

Meanwhile, Celia is out of product and approaches Ignacio to ask him to be her supplier. For a 20 percent cut, of course.

Now that Esteban is running as an independent candidate for governor, he and Nancy have their wedding at the house, with just close friends (Ignacio and Cesar) and family, Andy signs over Stevie Ray’s birth certificate over to Nancy, and Nancy makes another visit to Guillermo. This time she wants Pilar dead, but was kind enough to bring him a piece of wedding cake.

Hold on to your hats, kids, cause these last episodes are going to be pretty intense.

And, as always, your comments are always welcome and appreciated.

SO…

Until Next Time…

Happy Viewing

Michael Quenstown

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Mary-Louise Parker as Nancy Botwin

WEEDS

SEASON 5 EPISODE 9

“SUCK ‘N’ SPIT”

As the saga unfolds this week, we see Esteban throwing a “mantrum” (or if you prefer, man tantrum) at home right in front of his goon Cesar. It seems Nancy’s words may have struck a chord with him and he realizes he truly loves her and this makes him furious.

Meanwhile, Silas and Doug get an earful as Dean breaks the news to them (unconvincingly I might add) of how he was ripped off in a shady neighborhood of all the pot from the store on his way home from the police station. Of course we know he’s lying, and so did Doug and Silas. Dean receives a black eye from Doug.

Back at home, a young cynical 14 year-old  Shane is told by his two goth girlfriends that he might have an  STD, because they were diagnosed with chlamydia.  Thankfully Uncle Andy walked in on them before anything could happen. Nancy, who appeared completely stoned, but wasn’t, takes him to the clinic with Andy by her side.  This, of course leads to many stories from Uncle Andy about the times he got VD. Nancy explains to him that at this particular moment Shane needs a parent, and not a friend. Shane winds up with a form of a yeast infection, prescribed a medication and sent on his way.

Elsewhere, Dean and Celia are working a You’re Pretty! seminar thanks to the stash of weed they somehow bamboozled Doug and Silas out of.  After the ladies are treated to some free booze, out come the credit cards to purchase the ganja-filled cosmetic cases. Seems like things are looking up for Celia. But if I know my Celia, it won’t be for long. But. let her enjoy it while it lasts. She later announces to Silas and Doug that she’s moving out and into a new condo thanks to You’re Pretty! cosmetics. Doug, in turn, not knowing (of course) that her success is due to the fact that her cosmetics are laced with his and Silas’ weed, decides to crash a You’re Pretty! seminar to see if he can become as successful as she is.  Because, of course, if Celia can do it, anyone should be able to! This ought to be hysterical.

In another part of town, Andy and Nancy chit-chat over tropical drinks at a fake Hawaiian restaurant. Then the burden of her milk-filled breasts becomes too great and she tries to pump in the bathroom to relieve the pressure. It doesn’t work. She calls Andy on his cell and begs him to join her in the ladies’ room. The next scene had to be seen to be believed, but it involved Andy and as he put it, “Lips to Nips”.  Yes, yes, yes. He had to suckle Nancy to get her milk flowing. Unfortunately, Andy accidentally (or not, I’m not totally sure) swallows the milk when he was supposed to spit it out. But he didn’t want to be a hypocrite!!

Esteban, coming off of a date he was set up on by Pilar earlier in the episode to get over Nancy and to start a new life and be happy with, barges into the house in his usual fashion and finds Nancy and Andy sharing the same bed. Assuring him that nothing sexual was going on, Esteban proposes to Nancy again. “We will get married. Now.” How romantic! As he and Nancy argue the point in the front yard, with Cesar looking on, Andy persuades Shane to go outside and eavesdrop on their conversation. Just at that moment, someone walking by shoots at Nancy and Esteban. The shots miss, and Cesar winds up killing the would-be assasin. But, instead of hitting either Nancy or Esteban, a bullet hits Shane in the shoulder. Shane groans out a barely audible “Mom” as a horrified Nancy turns and can do nothing but watch her son slump to the ground.

Stay Tuned!!

As always your comments are appreciated and more than welcome!

Until Next Time…

Happy Viewing!!

Michael Queenstown

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Elizabeth Perkins as Celia Hodes

WEEDS

SEASON 5 EPISODE 8

“A DISTINCTIVE HORN”

In this episode Pilar, who is Esteban’s political advisor, among other things I’m sure, and the mexicunt from the previous episode, visits Nancy in the hospital as she wakes from a snooze. Pilar tells Nancy, as she coos over the baby in his crib that she never had children because they are extraordinarily inconvenient, and that her having this child was a mistake that could end the career of a very promising politician, and that she would correct the mistake.

When Esteban comes to take Nancy home, he refuses to put his name on the birth certificate, choosing to leave it blank for the time being (“until after the election”). Nancy tells him to stay out of it and that her family was coming to take her back to her home. When Nancy has to put a name down as the baby’s daddy on the birth certificate, I don’t know about you, but of course I knew right away it would be Andy’s.

Meanwhile,  Celia confronts Raylene of You’re Pretty! Cosmetics and wants to return the goods.  Raylene won’t hear of it, and instead advises Celia that she’s selling a lifestyle and a dream — not merely lipstick and blush — and besides, she signed a contract for a year and she’ll sue Celia’s ass if she tries to back out.

Nancy returns home to the house in Ren Mar with the baby and leaves him with Silas and Shane who don’t quite know what to make of their new baby brother to view their new brother in the baby carrier while she goes off to take a shower.  Upon arriving at her bedroom she finds Andy sprawled on a big round bed smoking a waterpipe and reading. And, he’s a little confused because the hospital called him a few minutes ago to tell him about their new father classes.

At first Andy rejects the notion outright of having his name on the birth certificate since Esteban won’t sign until the time is right, whenever that will be. Andy tells her “I’m through playing baby daddy to your kids.”

But, after finding out he’s now the dad (albeit only by name) on the newest Botwin’s birth certificate, he spruces himself up including shaving off that god awful beard, and head’s down to the Women’s Clinic to see if he can get a date and maybe more with Dr. Audra Kitson (played beautifuly, I have to admit, by Alanis Morissette). He takes her in the General Lee car to one of those fake Mexican restaurants, and in the short time it takes her to have a cocktail and realize she’s too good for him, she cuts to the chase and informs him she’d rather be home in her pj’s watching DVD’s.

Andy: What’s wrong?
Dr. Kitson: Nutshell? I’m past you.
Andy: Past me in what?
Dr. Kitson: In life.

After being shot down, Andy returns home, ready to accept the responsibilities of being a dad. But, of course, with Andy, he demands to be fully involved or not at all. His first demand: a bris. The baby’s foreskin must be removed by a moyel, at a bris, and whitefish served with bagels. Otherwise, no dice. Of course Nancy gives in to this.  Like it or not (but I truly believes she likes it) She realizes Andy is her angel.

This week is rather painful for Doug as usual. Silas and Doug come to Dean to get a court order so they can get their pot back from the courts. Dean will only do so if he can do something very painful involving Doug’s manhood and Dean’s desk drawer. Doug, being Doug, agrees. His yells can be heard throughout the building. I nearly fell on my ass laughing so hard.

After the pot has been rescued and is in Dean’s office, and he’s sipping away on a waterpipe enjoying his payment for helping Silas and Doug, Celia comes in to ask him to look over the You’re Pretty! contract to find any loopholes to get her out of it.  As ironclad as the contract seems to be, a thought crosses her mind as she sees all the pot at Dean’s disposal. What if she packs the cosmetics full of marijuana and sells those instead?  And they could make it look like Dean was robbed of all the pot?  Good to see Celia and Dean working together again!

The bris takes place in Nancy’s living room with friends and relatives looking on. Snip snip, and then the chowing down ensues. Andy’s even holding baby Steven (they named the baby Steven), in a nice white shirt and tie, looking very dad-like. Almost as if he were meant to be doing it all along, and then Esteban has to make an appearance. And not a happy one, I might add when he finds out what has just happened.

“My son is not Jewish. This is unacceptable!” he tells Nancy, who tells him he had his chance, but since he didn’t have the courage to claim the child as his own, his time was up.  He refuses to accept the fact that “that pendejo” has his name on the birth certificate. “That pendejo sticks around. He fights for what he loves. And he’s not a coward,” Nancy tells Esteban, who, before he did something drastic, turns and leaves.  But he’ll be back of course.

What a homecoming party for Nancy, huh? Quite possibly the best episode so far of the season. Until the next episode, I’m sure.

As always your comments are more than welcome and appreciated.  I thank you for reading, and…

Until Next Time!

Happy Viewing!!

Michael Queenstown

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